From an early age, I was taught that my role was to support other people’s needs. I became an empath, meaning, I’m able to decipher people’s emotions very well (sometimes better than they do). And while this is definitely a strength - especially as a coach - that came with a bad side effect.
For so long, I thought that my worth was tied to how useful I was.
To how much I’d give of myself to others.
To how much people needed me.
Topple that with some abandonment issues (a repetition of a childhood trauma) and you can see how being supportive / helpful was important to me.
I would say yes when I meant no.
I’d have this constant inner negative self-talk,
I’d carry other people’s problems on my back, loosing my sleep over it.
And it was so fucking exhausting.
I was tired, and angry.
Didn’t people think I had feelings and needs, too?
Why weren’t they asking ME how I was doing? If I needed help?
The answers to these questions are now clear:
I wasn’t allowing myself to be vulnerable,
I didn’t know what I wanted/needed and even less how to ask for it,
I was in unbalanced relationships (romantic, friendship, family).
Some days, I’m still this woman.
The difference is that I’ve done « The Work ».
I now have a toolkit of resources to support myself, go back to my needs - go back to myself.
→ When my boundaries are crossed, I notice it + take action.
→ When I’m feeling overwhelmed, in a crisis (scared, angry, sad) I know what to do.
→ I know how to catch myself when I try to people-please
→ I also know how to give mindfully to others and how to receive.
And that’s a VERY important question.
Self-awareness: learning about who you are (not who you think you are)
Self-acceptance: accepting yourself, fully
Self-love: loving yourself unconditionally
What this process looks like specifically is unique to you, because guess what: you are unique.
I have read each Harry Potter book at least 30 times.
I’m a Taurus Sun, Cancer Rising, Gemini Moon and Taurus Venus.
I speak 3 languages and was a nomad for 2 years before settling in the UK where I drink lots of tea.
I’m a type 4 Eneagram + a INFJ/INFP.
I love dystopias (think the Handmaid’s Tale) and Sci-fi for Young Adults.
Barcelona got my heart.
My Human Design is Manifestor with Ego Authority.
I prefer TV shows to movies cause the emotional investment is more rewarding.
I think kinky sex is a great tool for growth.